Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
