Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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