I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
