i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
