yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
