dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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