I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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