I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
