Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
