She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
