You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
