I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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