we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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