you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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