Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
