i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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