I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
