Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
