I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
