The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
