Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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