Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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