you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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