No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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