That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
