he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
