I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
