hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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