oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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