These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
