Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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