i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
