I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have already put on my inside pants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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