i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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