omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
