We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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