I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
