And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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