I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
