when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
