My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
