Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
