I think I died a long time ago.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
