Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
