On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize