guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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