i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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