Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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