Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
