Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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