i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
