Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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