Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
