3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
