It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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