I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
