FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
