i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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