Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
