I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
