Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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