so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I believe in your delicious
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
