Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
