Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize