Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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