he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
