That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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